The Mothers Who Became Fathers

In a world of men, it takes strong women to do what men do. Raising a child without a father makes you both a mother and a father. Arguing from this perspective of such a sensitive issue seems fair to me because a large percentage of women all around the world are burdened with the responsibility of being mothers and fathers at the same it.

I have always believed that the ability to easily multitask is no less than a gift from God himself. Yet, multitasking as a mother and father is a hard role to play in life. However this begins should never be the focus because life is full of crazy patterns but I believe we as a younger generation must encourage women who do it all alone and by themselves.

Today, women are using medical interventions to conceive their offsprings with the vision of raising their children alone. Even though this is a brave thing to do in my books. I believe the weight of living a life without a father is too heavy to carry. Fathers are important and every child must experience them.

It is very unfortunate that some men neglect the role of becoming fathers, yet, this mess births strong, phenomenal women who are forced to turn the world upside down to see their children succeed. Mothers who have to play fathers in this lousy world deserve to be honored on days like this. These mothers have to pay for accommodating their kids, hospital bills, their education and everything there is to do for a child.

Single mothers do not have many choices in life. They have to be there for their children whether there is support or not. What is more heartbreaking is the stereotypes they have to put with in society. However, they do it all without complaining and sometimes they even shield their kids from their pain. Many single mothers have to pay for college tuition and they just make it happen!

Two out of five people who read this blog today will identify with the situation of not having their fathers in the picture. Whether they lost them to death, separation of parents, or whatsoever means, their mothers have had to become strong pillars and rise to the patriarchal standards to secure a place for their children in this world. Some of these mothers work up to about three jobs in a day just to make ends meet. Some also have to raise their kids alone while pursuing their dreams which is almost impossible.

Fathers are amazing, well my Daddy is amazing. And I believe that mothers who have become fathers are even more amazing. Giving mothers who raise their children alone due honor is something we should normalize and never take for granted. Every woman who has lived as both a mother and father to their child is special.

As we celebrate fathers today, we celebrate the mothers who have become fathers too and I hope every woman struggling to play both roles knows and understands that they are the real geniuses around here. If your mother has become a father too. Let them know that you see them and let them feel celebrated. Happy Father’s Day to the mother who has become a father as well!

“Sometimes I get so tired I just want to walk away and keep walking but I just can’t.”

Single Mom

Living Life and Not Surviving It

Half of our lives have been nothing but charades. I think deep, so deep, and I can’t help but understand how we are unfortunately surviving life instead of living it. I believe most of us live in the most vulnerable and depressing days of our lives. Research actually shows that people between the ages of 20 and 30 feel this way. The feeling of struggle with literally everything never leaves and I cannot help but ask, how can we fix ourselves? Have you ever woken up in the morning and you feel like, “I am a total failure”, “Nothing good can happen to me”, “What if the world would be a better place without me”? This is the kind of feeling I’m talking about. Most of the time, we have trouble being happy about anything. It was almost like we would be punished for feeling the slightest of joy.

News Flash

All of the feelings of brokenness and unworthiness were all in my head. I woke up every day finding ways of surviving life instead of living it. I am a realist, and even though many of you might find it quite hard to admit it, you wake up the everyday day of your life surviving instead of living the good beautiful life you have been offered. The thing that bothers me the most is how you may never have the opportunity to relive your experiences. For this reason, we are about to break that shitty cycle of pity bullshit and live our lives being happy and joyful always instead of surviving each day.

Finding Your Purpose

More than once I have asked myself this question. What am I really here for? I believe that finding your purpose as an individual is the most challenging task in life. In a world where many things seem displaced, how can anyone find their real purpose to make them productive? While I struggle to place my fingers on the reason why I get to live each day, I believe it would be wise to be practical about everything and find how to stop the cycle of life surviving by living my purpose.

Trusting Your Instincts

One thing I never dare to relinquish in my thoughts is the fact that the truth is always inside me. Not once or twice, we all have come to crossroads in life and it is in those moments that we find direction from the inside. Whatever you do, there is always that feeling inside you that tells you whether to keep on or not. I suggest that you trust that instinct. It is that part of you that can show you the real purpose of your life.

Listening To People

Whether we like it or not, we live in very interactive societies. Making it a point to listen to what people have got to say to you or about you helps you to pick up very helpful cues of your life’s purpose. Seeing yourself in other people’s eyes helps to shape your life entirely and it gives you the rare opportunity to find yourself. In these very teachable moments, you would be relieved of the burden of struggling to live your life.

The Right Company

If you are surviving life instead of living it, it has probably got everything to do with the kind of people you are surrounded by. Don’t get me wrong, you do not have to hate anybody. Only, you have to find people who will help you live a good life instead of surviving it. It is very unfortunate how sometimes, the company that causes you pain is family, however, it is definitely possible to break free from anything. Let’s get real. People who do not give you the necessary attention you need, support you with their resources, especially money, and give you a reason to be better in life have to be replaced. This is the only way you can find your purpose to live a good life instead of surviving it.

Exploring Your Interest

The best part of life is doing exactly what you want to do especially when it is ethically right. Being authentic with the things you want to do gives you the opportunity to harness a certain type of power that is rare to come by. Learn how to go forward with your interests. Explore potential resources and give yourself a chance to find what you love to do. As people live in the shadows of their real dreams and aspirations. It would be naturally priceless to be able to enjoy what you truly want to do in other to upgrade from surviving to a more comfortable living situation.

Using The Compass

Now that we have established how we can live life instead of surviving it. We obviously have loads of work to do. We cannot be the same people anymore which literally means that we have no excuse to wake up every day feeling the way to used to feel. As I part ways with you ta day. I wish to let out to you something to fail to comprehend about your own self -“You Do Matter!”

Youthful Fertility Awareness

When was the last time you went for a routine checkup to see if you’re healthy reproductively? Most people wish to have families of their own when they are ready, unfortunately, not all of these people can. For decades, we have lived under the illusion that it is easy to start a family, however, it is not easy to start a family these days. Besides the financial and physical constraints, the natural order of the human system has been altered in very negative ways and for that reason, it is quite difficult for such things as starting a family to happen naturally.

As young people, we have responsibilities to care for ourselves for the benefit of our future however, we, unfortunately, contribute fairly to our inability to start families when we are ready. The issue with this kind of situation is, we hardly admit to being our demons. One of the most important things that should motivate you as a person is that hypothetically, you do not own your life. Your future depends on everything you do today and you must stay conscious of your actions.

Fertility Defined

Fertility is the ability to conceive within six months to a year of being sexually active and Infertility is the direct opposite. Research shows that many young couples within the ages of 20-30 have difficulty starting families due to underlining issues of which some cannot simply be explained. While some young women suffer from several reproductive health issues, the young men swim in a wide range of health irregularities.

The fact that you are sexually active doesn’t guarantee that you are likely to be fertile. Some females ignorantly take tons of birth control medications that add to their already existing reproductive health issues or create very new ones for them. The funny thing is, they might not even be aware of the existence of health issues they might be having till the opportunity presents itself for them to start a family. According to studies, birth control medications have millions of adverse side effects on the female reproductive system of which most people turn a blind eye to. Others venture paths of the termination of fetuses which is popularly known as abortion. This is mostly accompanied by serious complications if not done professionally.

Taking Charge of The Situation

There are many things you can do as a young person to ensure that you do not miss your chance of starting a family in the future. As a young woman or man, it is medically wise to do routine checkups where scans and tests will be run to ensure that your body is ready for the kind of future you wish for. During these checkups, doctors recommend a lot of medications if necessary to help you take control of your situation or simply keep your body in a perfect state.

Some of the interventions a doctor may refer a young female patient who is threatened by a reproductive health issue to during a routine checkup includes hormonal therapy, egg freezing, education on In Vitro Fertilization, Surrogacy, Adoption among other interventions. All of these measures prepares you for the kind of future you wish for and offers you the opportunity to take control of your life. Male patients are also offered tons of interventions including sperm freezing for future use.

It is a real shame that in our side of the world, topics of this sort and passionately ignored. Nobody tells us anything until it hits us hard on the face. Today in this country, young couples are handling issues of miscarriages, low sperm count, fibroids, cysts, PCOS, Endometriosis, unexplained infertility among others in silence and with no support because there is literally no support system. Women suffer in silence because they find it shameful sharing their infertility stories when truly, there’s nothing shameful about it.

Creating fertility awareness among the youth is both important and exciting for me because we live in a day and age where infertility does not exist anymore per se. This is because medical innovations have made almost everything possible even though they might be pricey. Taking a moment to think about how you are preparing yourself is important. Living right and taking care of your body is the way to go if you want to take charge of your future. Investing in healthy components like body supplements that will be instrumental to your body will be a wise step to take today. It is my pleasure to introduce you to some of these supplements. Stay healthy and safe for your future!

Depression

I look around every day and I see a needy world. People exhibit so much neediness and sometimes it becomes uncontrollable. We find ourselves getting too attached or too detached from the things we love the most. We deflect onto others certain characteristics that sometimes place them in awe of what actually might be going on with us. The truth is, many of us find ourselves depressed yet we do not even know we are. In our part of the world, depression is seldom discussed. However, it is one of the most persistent ailments confronting the younger generation.

Whatever pain we think we feel, we walk amongst people who feel greater pain. Whenever I’m depressed, I feel like something has been taken away from me and I feel like I’m doing some sort of endless search for something that I most likely will not find. Dealing with depression is hard. It is like being tormented by your greatest fear. For me, it makes me shut down my feelings and it almost feels like I do not feel anything but emptiness. I’m sharing my experience so that you can have a picture of when you were depressed and properly define it for a remedy.

Characteristics That Show Depression

The Hermit

Like me, a hermit is a person who finds their home or place of residence as their safe haven when they are depressed. When they leave their home, they feel extremely out of place and they try to do everything in their power to return to their safe place. Being around people suddenly becomes exhausting for them.

Social Media Hookers

Some people drown themselves in social media when they are depressed. They most likely never log off at all. They just bury themselves in online shows, movies, Tv, and games and they simply avoid thinking of their real feelings to deal with them. What these people do not realize is that social media posts can trigger the phase they might be going through and even increase the weight of the depression they might be experiencing.

The Vampires

You know when you are very exhausted but you just cannot bring yourself to sleep? That is a sign of depression. You sit on your bed or sofa and just search for motivation to do plenty of things yet to no avail. This is because deep behind your mind lingers very negative thoughts that do not allow productivity. Such people never catch any sleep for themselves. They never do. They sit in the dark feeling empty and numb.

The Procastinators

Sometimes, our own thoughts scars the hell out of us. It creeps us out so much that we fear venturing them. Such people procrastinate beyond logic or reason because they feel like completing tasks require too much energy that they cannot afford to give.

The “Shut Outs”

This set of people shut people out completely when they are depressed. You see them plugging in their headphones and listening to loud music all the time and they avoid any kind of communication all together.

Fixing Us!

The one thing that I love about life is, nothing lasts forever. Depression is a silent, slow killer. Getting yourself out of depression takes a lot of hard work and I’m happy to tell you that you can do that hard work to stay healthy and productive. If you find yourself in any kind of situation and you identify with either of the mentioned characteristics. You certainly do not have to be worried.

All you have to do to fix yourself is to start exhibiting characters directly different from what you used to exhibit. Visit your doctor if you have to or speak to a Therapist to help you navigate through the things you feel. Put your mind to it and you will find yourself in a better place than you were. Stay mentally strong, healthy, and free of depression!

Roots of Pain

Sometimes you feel like you’re drowning in front of everyone but no one sees it. You feel despondent, depressed and crushed and your only dream is that you never wake up from your sleep the next morning. I know pain and it does not feel good. Pain swallows your power and will to survive in life sometimes. The hard truth is, you can never get past the pain that consumes you without dealing with its roots first.

Suffering abuse while young makes you feel broken for life. It leaves a mark that cannot be erased. The good thing is, you get to turn that brokenness into some sort of power. This power will help you to protect yourself from breaking others. There are many kinds of abuse. Enlightening you on some of the kinds of abuse will help you deal with your issues.

10 Types of Abuse

Physical Abuse

Domestic violence

Sexual abuse

Psychological abuse

Financial or material abuse

Morden slavery

Discriminatory abuse

Organizational abuse

Neglect

Self Neglect

What You Should Know

Research shows that a wide percentage of people all over the world suffer most of these types of abuse. They go through a series of events and happenings that affect them in many ways. Unfortunately, most people are not able to identify the root of their pain so they cannot address them. According to therapists, the best way to deal with a problem is to deal with the root cause of the problem.

My Story

My story of abuse surrounds psychological abuse, discriminatory abuse and neglect. Growing up I had people around me instilling so much fear in me due to constant domestic violence at the external family home from which I grew. I remember being locked in a room one for a while young. My screams and cry meant nothing. That feeling of helplessness alone is derailing enough to kill your soul. I had people shaming me because of the colour of my skin. For some reason, I was dark while young. It felt like nothing but my therapist tells me it broke something in me.

Neglect is my worst pain. Not being seen as enough for someone makes you feel like nothing. Because of my experience of neglect, I lived most of my life seeking validation from people. I had the impression that I was not worthy of a lot of things. I could not accept love from other people because I felt I was not worthy of it. I kept ending relationships because of this vulnerability and maybe some exes will read this and understand why besides their shitty attitudes.

Giving Yourself A Chance

Point is, I had a great turn in my life recently and I am proud of myself because I feel so much better now. This turn began as I was confronted with health issues. I realised that all I had was myself at the end of the day and I had to be there for myself. My state of mind and psychological health immensely improved when I adopted a lot of “me” times. My therapist once told me that it seemed I gave out so much love and received very little in return which was true. I decided to be selfish enough to love myself and to appreciate my existence more.

Stay Free

Riding yourself from the pain that is so deep into you is the hardest thing to do on earth, however, when you become free, it is extremely rewarding. My strength as a person comes from all my painful experiences and I hope this piece helps people to make bold decisions to be there for themselves and turn their painful experiences into their strength.